Doomsday is approaching.

I feel very very sad. I’m trying so hard to salvage this. But I don’t know. I feel like things are getting worse. Well, they seem fine for a day but never entirely. There’s just always something missing. I know what i’m told but I have trouble comprehending. I have trouble believing that is hasn’t changed, not even a little. Not when I have noticed the changes. It kills me ok? It kills me. Because I wanted so bad for this to be it. Tears streaming down my face as I write this, I don’t know what hurts more. Knowing the end is near and i’ve lost again or realizing I was wrong when I said this would be the last.
I’m trying in vain. I’m not as significant as I used to be. There is no excitement or eagerness to communicate with me. Is it that bad now? I don’t feel like i’m reading too much into this. I’ve already experienced it enough times to know what it is when it’s happening. And it is happening.
It has a lot to do with me and for that I am sorry. But I don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried everything. I don’t want to get into somthing else new. I’m afraid my attachment will shift and that will be the end for sure. Or not. Maybe it is what this needs afterall…