…I’ve unintentionally sliced my soul open in front of you. Oh how I’ve complimented you…

It’s true, you have complimented me…and you compliment me. You are the agonized scream that matches perfectly with my writhing agony that stands forever unexpressed because my tongue is nailed to the wall of some bastard confessional. Oh how you compliment me…I am the vessel for the poison that drips from your soul. Every ounce of venom you have inside you, I can hold. Never will I gag on the taste of your bile. Never will I say “enough”. I have limitless capacity for your unlimited anger. Never have I encountered such a delicious demon…walking death, walking pain, hand in hand forever searching but never finding…content to share this fate.
I have always felt alone…huddled within myself, defending against everything that crossed my path, cowering from a world that has so often had me bent over, too hurt to scream, too embarrassed to tell, too fucked up to reason. What defense at that age? How do you survive? You survive through hatred of course, through blistering anger and unmitigated violence. There are no rules then…its fuck or be fucked Embrace the darkness and call it plan. Save your crying for when you’re drunk…at least then you have something to blame it on. God how I love to drink.
Walking death, walking pain, hand in hand, forever searching but never finding…I could really use the company.
It’s not all bad though. Today’s strength comes as a direct result of yesterday’s weakness. My mirror is cleansed by your tears…gently falling, feeding the seed that’s waiting for the illumination that is your recognition. As your seedling sprouts, it grows entwined with its twin, on the other side of the mirror, both reaching, searching for the radiant glow that is our mutual pain.
What will grow from this seed? Pain, disappointment, the final agony that drives away the last vestiges of my humanity? Or a sanctuary, a place to heal, the final ecstasy that drives away the last vestiges of the scared little boy who has let the world dominate him. Or maybe this seed is sterile, never to really grow into anything at all. Destined forever to stay the same…walking death, walking pain, all alone, forever searching but never finding…